


I Understand

by DoIEverForgetThePie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel in Purgatory, Dean Needs Castiel, Dean Prays, Dean in Purgatory, Drabble, Episode: s08e02 What's Up Tiger Mommy?, M/M, Purgatory, Season 8
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-15
Updated: 2015-11-15
Packaged: 2018-05-01 20:24:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5219579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoIEverForgetThePie/pseuds/DoIEverForgetThePie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Castiel are reunited in Purgatory and we get a little insight on Dean's thoughts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Understand

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what I'm doing. All I know is that I really love Dean and Castiel in Purgatory and this is one of my favorite Deancas scenes in the series. So... Yep enjoy! Comment, share, and give kudos please. :)

Dean would have recognized that trench coat no matter what state it had been in. Ripped to shreds, covered in Leviathan goo, sopping wet, or all of the above—it didn’t matter. That coat stretched taut across a pair of shoulders before him. Cas’ shoulders. Right there, stooped over the stream running through Purgatory, was Castiel.

“Cas!” he hesitated, waiting for a response despite wanting to hurdle toward the angel and dig his fingers into his first taste of familiarity in nearly a year.

“Dean.” 

Short reply. Typical of Cas but the sound of his voice rang like bells in Dean’s ears and he found himself having to refrain from sprinting to reach him. He moved cautiously despite the only thing on his mind being how badly he wanted to feel a solid form against his being.

“Cas?” he repeated the name he’d spent night after night calling out into the wilderness with no response like it was a question. There was still the possibility that it wasn’t Cas standing before him, but the slightly shocked expression was so quintessentially Cas there was no way any creature could replicate it. Through a mixture of nervousness and joy, a chuckle slipped from his mouth as he drew Cas into a hug. 

Cas was rigid, unwelcoming to the arms around him, but it didn’t stop Dean from squeezing tightly and clapping his hand on the angel's back. He wanted to hold the contact, revel in the way he could feel the slight give of the muscle in Cas’ shoulder blades through his dirty coat-- but he couldn't. He knew that.

“Damn, it's good to see you.” He pulled away. His hand lingered on Cas’ shoulder as he stepped back to take in the sight before him. A mess of greasy dark hair and blue eyes paired with an expression that read both somewhat aloof and slightly terrified. 

“Nice peach fuzz,” his hand grazed the beard that had grown in scraggly on Cas’ jawline. It was an affectionate touch. Something Dean would have never done outside of the realm they currently stood in, but he had been killing monster after monster in rough combat… he craved tenderness to balance the violence. 

“Thank you.” Cas’ eyes darted from Dean to various places in their surroundings.

“You should meet somebody,” Dean pointed his makeshift weapon in the direction of the vampire who had been his only ally since he had lost Cas. “This is Benny. Benny, this is Cas.”

“Hola.” Uneasy, skepticism laced Benny’s voice as his eyes swept over the angel in a trench coat and hospital scrubs. 

There was no response from Cas to Dean’s introduction to their company or to Benny’s greeting. 

“How did you find me?”

“The bloody way.” Dean halted, his brow creasing as he watched Cas’ obvious, yet well warranted paranoia read on his features. 

“You feeling okay?” he wondered, remembering how Cas had been affected so harshly by taking of Sam’s mental burdens. Now Cas had gone from altogether avoiding conflict and watching bees in gardens, to bloody 360-degree combat. 

“You mean am I still...” Cas pointed to his head, making a circular motion with his index finger.

“Yeah, if you want to be on the nose about it, sure.” 

An instant response followed. “No. I'm perfectly sane. But, then, 94% of psychotics think they're perfectly sane, so I guess we'd have to ask ourselves, ‘what is sane?’”

Dean held his breath for a moment, his heart stuttering in his chest. That was certainly Cas. A sane Cas who said the things that needed one word with text book explanations, and didn't at all mention what should be said with paragraphs. That was so typically Cas that is caused an ache to spread through the depths of Dean’s chest.

“That's a good question,” he forced out with breath he didn’t have.

“Why'd you bail on Dean?” Benny’s Louisianan drawl tailed Dean’s words like a chain behind a truck. 

“Dude –“ Cas hadn’t bailed on Dean. Cas wouldn’t do that, or at least Dean wanted to believe that Cas wouldn’t do that. 

“The way I hear it, you two hit monster land, and hot wings here took off.” Benny pointed his weapon toward Cas, eyes moving slowly between the hunter and the angel. “I figure he owes you some backstory.” 

“Look, we were surrounded, okay?” Dean looked from Benny to Cas, brows arched in questioning. “Some freak jumped Cas. Obviously, he kicked its ass, right?” 

“No.”

That was it. All it took to rip Dean Winchester’s heart from his chest. One word. One syllable. Two letters. Whispered with slight hesitance in the angel’s deep rasp.

A blank emptiness had settled over Dean’s face. “What?” 

His shoulders heaved with the slight shake of his breath. “You… ran away?” Dean’s words slipped out as betrayal began to mix with rage inside the deepest workings of his mind. 

“I had to.”

“That's your excuse for leaving me with those gorilla-wolves?” the fury was swelling, bubbling away in his gut becoming harder to contain with each passing second. He’d spent nearly a year slaughtering his way through miles of forest and monsters he had no name for, he didn't want to hear he was alone because Cas 'had to' leave him.

“Dean – "

“You bailed out and, what, went camping?” he paused, seething anger invading every cell of his composition as he considered the words he was about to say. “I prayed to you, Cas, every night!” those prayers had been desperate pleas for help. Breakdowns in which Dean had been brought to his knees confessing his needs… Confessing his love. He remembered the times he had prayed to Cas with fists clenched so tight, his knuckles whited out like bone as he fought off angry tears.

“I know.”

“You know and you didn't...” Dean cut himself short, reeling in what he nearly said. Cas knew. Cas heard every time Dean had thought to the angel 'I need you, because I love you, Cas.'

He squared up his shoulder and set his jaw. “What the hell's wrong with you?” 

“I am an angel in a land of abominations! There have been things hunting me from the moment we arrived.”

“Join the club!” Dean hissed. That was no excuse. No excuse for hearing someone choke out confessions of love and cries for help and ignoring them.

“These are not just monsters, Dean. They're Leviathan. I have a price on my head, and I've been trying to stay one step ahead of them, to – " Cas’ body seemed to freeze for a split second, averting his eyes from Dean, as if he was considering whether or not what he was about to say would be too much. He began to speak again, his voice coming out much softer, “To keep them away from you.” 

The words hit Dean like a big rig semi-truck going full speed nearly knocking the breath from his chest. His entire body seemed to relax upon realizing that Cas was ignoring him because of the fact that he felt just as much need to keep Dean safe as Dean felt toward him.

“That's why I ran. Just leave me, please.”

Dean could feel Cas’ heartbreak through the static in the air and it was heavy.

“Sounds like a plan. Let's roll.” Benny agreed, keener on the idea of not dealing with Cas than he had ever been.

“Hold on, hold on.” His eyes didn’t leave Cas for a second. “Cas, we're getting out of here. We're going home.”

Dean wasn’t exactly sure what home even was, but he was going to find it with Cas.

“Dean, I can't.”

“You can! Benny, tell him.” 

“Purgatory has an escape hatch, but I got no idea if it's angel-friendly,” Benny informed Cas, being sure to tack on that extra bit about not being sure if he could pass through it or not.

“We'll figure it out. Cas, buddy, I need you.” 

He said it out loud to Cas himself. He needed him. He needed him for no other reason than being completely in love with him. Cas had messed up, but he was trying.

“Dean...” Cas' features fell into a look of sorrow as his voice tapered off unable to find words to finish.

“And if Leviathan want to take a shot at us, let ‘em.” A tiny smile turned up one side of Dean’s mouth. 

He believed with every part of himself that they could get out of Purgatory together and alive. 

“We ganked those bitches once before. We can do it again.” 

He believed in Cas.

“It's too dangerous.”

Dean’s eyes narrowed. “Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you.” Dean made direct eye contact with Cas in attempt to establish that there was no choice between all or nothing. They were getting out. All of them. 

“Understand?”

“I understand.”


End file.
